Sunday, 18 March 2012

Mother's Day

Is there a day more poignant or more sad than Mother's Day when you no longer have your darling mother by your side and your precious daughter in your arms? I am not sure there is. As a daughter or son, Mother's Day is a day to celebrate and spoil your mother. As a mother, Mother's Day is a day to be spoiled and celebrated. For me this year Mother's Day is a day to remember my daughter and my mum and all they gave me. I visited their graves and took flowers - I hope that wherever they are, they are together.

Since Erin passed away and we have started Erin's Gift fundraising in her memory, I have been given many kind compliments. Although these are lovely to hear and I appreciate them, I also feel undeserving. I am so glad that we are able to raise money and awareness of some wonderful causes that helped us, but there is also an element of Erin's Gift which is just me trying to be the best mummy I can possibly be in the most horrendous of circumstances. I will spend the rest of my life talking about Erin, sharing her photo and fundraising in her name because I so desperately want to keep her memory alive. Her life may have been brief in days, but in terms of all she gave me and the love I feel for her,  her life was astronomical. She will always be my daughter and she will never be forgotten. I am and always will be her most loving mummy. The power of a mother's love is so strong that absence cannot dent it, not even a little bit.

If I am to deserve any compliments on the mother I am trying to be, I truly believe that this is due to the wonderful mother I was lucky enough to have. A mother who always put her children first, who showed enthusiam and encouragement for everything her children did and who never made us think that she didn't love us. A mother who was taken too soon and who is missed every single day. When she died I knew that in the future sad and difficult times would always be even more sad and difficult and that happy and joyful times would never again be quite so happy and joyful as they could have been. The last 5 months have proved this to me. I wish I could have shared my joy at becoming a mummy with my mum and I wish I had her here now to comfort me in my grief. She was truly a wonderful woman and an amazing mum.

"Mothers hold their child's hand
for a moment and their
heart for a lifetime"
- Unknown

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