Friday, 9 March 2012

4 months and counting...

Erin would be 4 months old today. I miss her so much. I seem to spend my life counting now - counting the days since she was born, the weeks since she died, the months since her operation....most days seem to be another milestone, another date that we just need to try and get through.

We went back to Alder Hey Hospital two days ago to meet with the doctors involved in Erin's care. As we have come to expect they were lovely. They talked through Erin's care, answered our questions and asked us how we were doing. I am not going to go into details here, but as expected the reasons as to why Erin did not recover after her operation are not clear. She fell into the minority - the vast majority of babies with Erin's condition do survive. Erin did not - we have to try and come to terms with that.

I was hoping for a reason - something that would tell us why she had died, why our beautiful baby girl was taken from us after only 22 days, but in truth I don't think there would ever be a reason that would explain this to us. There could never be an answer to the question 'Why?' that would satisfy me. It is not fair. I will never think it is fair. I will never understand why Erin was not given a chance.

Cuddling with Erin - my idea of heaven

You may have noticed the new badge on my blog to the right - I got voted into the Top 25 Most Inspiring Mom Blogs. Thank you so much to everyone who voted. Although I have detracted from the theme today, this blog is intended for talking about the amazing charities I have come across over the last few months. Hopefully, being in the top 25 will increase the visitors to my blog and therefore the amount of awareness and fundraising that I am able to achieve for these charities. I am very grateful - thank you.

'Before you were conceived I wanted you.
Before you were born I loved you.
Before you were here an hour I would die for you.
This is the miracle of love.'
- Unknown


  1. I have just found your blog and I am so so truly sorry about the loss of your daughter, my heart really goes out to you. I think it's amazing what you want to do, and how you write about how you deal with this. You are inspiring and I know your little girl is smiling down on you, I send you all the love in the world x

  2. Hi,only just looked at your blog and read through it all i just want to say that I think erin is beautiful and its so cruel that such a beautiful little girls life was taken away before it barely begun life can be cruel but as a mum to two kids myself a daughter who's 4 and a little boy 6 mths i think your a wonderful mummy and such a brave lady for sharing your story with others and for the support and awareness you are giving to and your family are amazing! Thanx for sharing you and your beautiful daughters story with me......much love x x x aimi aka XxkaffkamelxX