Saying Goodbye

Saying goodbye to little Erin was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I remember the day of her funeral so clearly. A day I had been planning and thinking about constantly for the week before. I had immersed myself in trying to make this day into a fitting tribute for my beautiful girl. There were so many things I was no longer going to be able to do for her...I would never arrange her christening, throw her a birthday party or shop excitedly for her christmas presents....her funeral had to be perfect. I threw all the love I held for her into organising this one day, spending hours on the internet looking for the perfect songs with words that expressed how we felt and poems that echoed our feelings of love, loss and despair. We wrote a eulogy for the vicar to read, telling those who came about how wonderful little Erin was and about how she had completely stolen our hearts. We wanted everyone to know how proud we were of her- pride that will stay with us forever. I printed out photograph after photograph and found it so difficult to choose which ones should be on display. In the end I took several photo albums with me - I wanted everyone to see how gorgeous my baby girl was - how gorgeous and how brave.

As difficult as saying goodbye to my beautiful baby girl was, I am grateful that we had the opportunity. I am glad that we were able to share our memories with our friends and family - many of whom never got to meet her. I am glad that so many people took the time to come and think about Erin and pay tribute to her short life. She may have only lived for 22 days, but the impact she has had on my life cannot be put into words - she has changed me forever. Although I speak about saying goodbye to her, in truth I haven't really and I never will. She is with me forever, in my heart and in my soul, and I will never be apart from her.

I have spoken before about some of the lovely people I have met on twitter and today I would like to talk to you about some more. You may have noticed the new badge on my blog - I am proud to be a Saying Goodbye Champion. Saying Goodbye are a wonderful organisation run by Zoe and Andy who themselves have suffered tragic loss. They now organise remembrance services around the country to bring people together to remember and say goodbye to the precious babies they have lost. They provide an opportunity for families to think about and remember their babies and honour the memories. Organising Erin's funeral was extremely difficult, but I do appreciate having the opportunity to formally acknowledge her life and share my memories with family and friends. Those who suffer the loss of a baby through miscarriage often do not get this chance. Saying Goodbye Services are for people who have suffered the loss of a baby through any stage of pregnancy, at birth or in infancy. They are an opportunity to stand together with others who share our pain and pay tribute to the babies who we love with all our hearts. Our precious babies who will never be forgotten. To find out more about Saying Goodbye and see where the services are taking place, please visit their website http://www.sayinggoodbye.org/ You can also follow them on twitter @SayingGoodbyeUK

Little Snowdrop

The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.
The little one we long for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says that we love you.
(Author Unknown)